...ramblings of a fashionable sociopath

Saturday, February 25, 2012

peine de coeur

I comforted a friend with a broken heart today...seeing her pain reminded me of all the times my heart was broken. Of all the past romances that, even now, cause a twinge of regret...even shame...Remembering all the mistakes that were made along the way is not pleasant. Remembering how the world crashed down and  a pain took over that was so big it was hard to breathe or to get out of bed in the morning....still makes me sad.

Love is what human beings have in common. It is our basic instinct..our need. We love our parents, our friends, our siblings. We yearn to be loved. And when we love we gain an understanding of ourselves that cannot be gained otherwise.

Do you remember your first heartbreak?

Only when you live through that emotional devastation do all those songs/poems/movies make sense. When you truly loved...completely, selflessly loved...
When you reveled in longing someone so badly nothing else mattered..
When you nursed your unrequited feelings like a precious icon... because that pain made you alive? Made you FEEL life?

Remember those times when your love was returned? When the world took your breath away and every day...EVERY DAY...was amazing. The electricity you felt with each touch...each kiss?

As I drive home from another exhausting day all my past romances pass by. They left their mark but they are shadows now.
I hear our song...I feel him near me. I smile because he loves me so well.

Whether your loves have been beautifully tragic or truly fulfilling they mattered. Love makes us human. Even if sometimes they don't lead to a happy ending.
Amor fati, right?

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