...ramblings of a fashionable sociopath

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Mon Hiver

It is 82 degrees outside today...and though the leaves are finally turning yellow it does not feel like fall, much less a winter. Yet my thoughts return to a season that seems still so far away.

Two years ago we fell in love during a winter... We spent many nights dancing in the candlelight of our beautiful house looking out on the valley below, draped in pure white snow.

I will remember that winter forever...I saw the sun so rarely then...I went to work before it came up and left way after sundown. I remember long, bitterly cold, nights tempered by a crackling fireplace...a glass of my favorite red waiting for me when I came home. And there was We slow danced while we made dinner and even now, when I close my eyes, I can see his face lit so perfectly by the warm candlelight. We fell asleep in each others arms as the fluffy snowflakes covered the world...slowly...inevitably...completely. The nights were pitch black and oh so quiet. During the snowstorms that ravaged the city it felt as though we were the only two people safe and loved I felt...

 I do not miss that city...much. I do not miss leaving a warm bed at 4am to scrape off ice of my little car and freeze until the air conditioner kicked in. I do not miss the smog hanging low over the city streets suffocating air and sunlight. I do not miss being so cold that no amount of clothing could help me get warm.

But I miss THAT winter. That winter made us...created us...made us love each other and forced us back together when we wanted to give up. I miss our cozy nights of endless conversation. I long for the dinners we created together and the parties we threw for our friends. I yearn for the way that cold winter made us crave each other in a way I had not known before. And I will always...ALWAYS...miss the music. Those songs haunt me. Music is such a key part of us...I cannot imagine our love without it.

I am coming back this winter. I will land smack in the middle of cold January, when the city is ravaged by snow and wind. When I walk outside the gleaming crisp sunlight will burn my eyes and the world will be covered in white. I will jump into the warm belly of our steel animal on wheels and he will take me back...back to our beautiful house overlooking the valley. Back to the candlelight...and the music.