...ramblings of a fashionable sociopath

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Girl on the Bridge

Today...i don't want to talk. But i needed to see this again.
This is one of my favorite movies...and definitely one of my favorite scenes. It's perfection.


Monday, June 18, 2012


Most days pass by in a quick and exhausting blur. I wake up while the world is still sleeping and by the time everyone starts their morning I have already been at work for 6 hours.
The days end late, usually after everyone else has gone home. Thank God for the constant Florida sun that lingers well into the evening so that I may catch a few rays before going home.

But once in a while...once in a while I get done early. And then I look up at the sky.

Today is was a perfect effervescent blue with not a cloud to be seen. So clear and infinite...
I saw a plane taking off and felt a sharp pang in my heart....that plane was leaving. It was taking it's lucky passengers far away, to new places and new people.

To me a plane has always been a symbol of a promise - a promise of returning home...of vacation...of excitement. Me and that giant steel bird spend a LOT of time together. When I was away at school I would fly home almost every 2 weeks. Later those flights became more sparse and happened once a month. And it is so hard to get away that I find it hard to remember when I last left here.

This is only temporary. And when I do leave this city I always manage to go to amazing places so I cannot complain. This isn't complaining,'s just that I am, at heart, a traveler. I yearn to miss home because I have been away. I hate being static in a shitty little town amongst the same few streets and same few people. It is so daunting to live the same day ...EVERY day. More often than not it feels like a trap. One of those bear traps that plunge their steel jaws into your foot...not enough to kill you but just enough to make you suffer each time you make a movement.

Perhaps this sounds like an exaggeration. But for those who live to see the world, who want, nay, NEED, to live among a monstrosity of people and sounds, this sounds familiar. When a plane takes off I feel as if I am being left behind. I want so desperately to be free to just catch a random flight and take off for the not ask permission or beg to be let out early...or panic because missing a flight would mean missing seeing those who I love.

I want to fly somewhere hear the engine begin to roar and feel the swell of anticipation in my gut building as the plane breaks free from gravity and takes me halfway across this globe... back to where my heart finds peace.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Pace is the trick

Somedays I feel very alone. Somedays it seems like the world is crashing on top of me and I can barely catch my breath. I feel overwhelmed with frustration and anger and despair...I get angrier still that there are so many in this world that can come home to their Love and find comfort and strength...their respite.

When my head is down and my knees are shaking...
that's when I need him most.

And that's when he is at his best.

His calm voice soothes my temper..his words penetrate through my little sharp armor...he looks at me the way only he can and I know all will be well.

This is our song. It was there when we began. It will be there until the end.
When I hear it...those first cords always stop me cold. I hear HIS voice and I feel him near me. Like a movie in front of me I see us...all of our dates...our passionate nights...our crazy adventures...our arguments and separations...our darkest moments when each has crumbled in front of the other only to be embraced and protected.

I see how much we have gone through already and how we have always become just a little stronger with each obstacle.
I am amazed at how deep, how absolutely encompassing, our love has become. Much more than I think either one of us had expected.

This song is not about perfect love. Some may say it's not about love at all. But it is ours and thus it is about OUR love. I cannot put into words exactly why but this song is everything. 
Every note..every if written just for us (silly, I know, but that's the point, isn't it?)
I always go back to it when I need him just a little closer then Skype will allow.

Music can change your mood. It can change your day. And sometimes it can change your life.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

These are my people...

the Russians are coming! Oh wait...they've been here all along haha

Sasha Pivovarova

Irina Shayk
Natalia Vodyanova
Mila Kunis
Mila Jovovich

and let's give Russian boys some love too.

Sean O'pry

Vladimir Ivanov

Vladimir Males (strange name but ok)