am working tonight....while everyone is at home spending Christmas Eve with their loved ones I am waiting for another disaster to roll through the door...
On silent nights like these my thoughts revert to my past. My fragmented memories of childhood are limited, despite how happy it was. I remember bits and pieces, never full days or events...but those fleeting bits seem to have stuck permanently in my mind.
I remember a starry night, like tonight, when my mom picked me up from kindergarden. She put me in my little sleigh and wrapped me in a huge blanket. It was such a quiet and dark night...only illuminated by the occasional street light and the falling snow flakes. As I drifted to sleep I looked up at the sky and let the snow flakes fall on my tongue...The sky seemed enormous...it took up the entire universe...there was no one around except her and I felt so perfectly calm...so safe...happy.
I saw old churches drift by...benches covered in blankets of lush snow...trees with heavy branches covered in fluffy white. We didn't talk...often we did not have to. We just enjoyed the ride home (me definitely more than her since I was getting the better end of the deal). The holidays were near and we were going to spend them together...like we always have.
I remember that night so vividly, as if it just happened, though I must have been 3 or 4 at the time. It's funny what events form our memories, isn't it? I remember the snow and the night and I feel loved...I feel closer to my home though I am very very far away tonight.
I think of my family...of the friends I have met through the years and was lucky enough to keep. I think of my love and where he is tonight.
My mind is full of memories of holidays past...my heart keeps them close. I close my eyes and I am home again.
One of my favorite poems...
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere you go, my dear,
and whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling)...
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher that soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart ( I carry it in my heart)
And thus with this I wish you a Merry Christmas my friends. May your world be infinite with possibilities and your life filled with love. You are in my heart tonight...and always.