BELLATRIX...

...ramblings of a fashionable sociopath

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Escaping from the world...


It is finally here. We are off to the Paris of Latin America...Buenos Aires. No phones, no email (ok limited email), lazy mornings lounging in bed and late nights filled with wine and dancing. Just us...

Although we never make definitive plans a few key items are definitely on the itinerary.
Teatro Colon? Claro que si!


And, of course, knowing me, a trip to La Recoleta.
Stunning, isn't it??  I cannot wait to see who lives here. And the sculptures are going to be spectacular.


Being fiendish lovers of anything modern we will definitely spend one day here:


MALBA. (giddy face!)



There will also be several underground tango clubs, foodie adventures and many a wine tasting.


I so desperately need this. I want to get away. 
To forget what I do and where I come from.
To be in love and nothing else. 
To get lost in a strange city...to emerse myself into a place full of colors and sounds and exuberant LIFE.

Travel reminds you that this world is unbelievably big. It is incredible, infinitely amusing and glorious. To travel is to LIVE.
If I could not travel I don't think my life would be worth living. It is that important. And though I do not travel as much as I would like now, when I am done with my training, I shall take off on trips every chance I get. It is a necessity, a basic need. The experiences and memories gained from stepping outside one's boundaries cannot be substituted or replaced. 

The warm wind is blowing through the car window...the music fills the air...a plane is waiting to whisk me far far away to a beautiful country. PURR.

Monday, January 16, 2012

A bittersweet day...



I truly love this song. It is so exquisitely beautiful. I love hearing it when I am sad...when I need a release but I cannot scream. It makes me have hope again...even though the lyrics are quite depressing. 
It is my mom's favorite as well. It has always been her song. And when I hear it I hear her voice in my head...and I hope again that everything might just be alright tomorrow. 


Cause it's a bitter sweet symphony this life..
Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die. 
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet yeah...

                                No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
                                         But I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold.
                                     But I'm a million different people from one day to the next...
                                           I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no,no, no

                                        Well I've never prayed, but tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.

                                    I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
                                     I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.
                                   But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.


                                    No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
                                         But I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold.
                                     But I'm a million different people from one day to the next...
                                           I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no,no, no


Have you ever been down? 
I can't change, I can't change...


                                                 Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life. 
                                  Trying to make ends meet, trying to find somebody then you die.








Friday, January 13, 2012

Jardin de Luxembourg


A day in Paris #2:


Built in 1611 by Marie de Medici in an homage to the Pitti Palace in her native Florence. It initially contained a fountain built by Salomon de Brosse and 2000 elm trees. 





When you first come to Paris do NOT go here first. This place...it must be savored. You must come here when the beauty of the city overwhelms you and you feel that if you see another magnificent palace or quaint street you will explode from being overjoyed. (run-on? def. moving on.)



When you first walk in you BREATHE. It is quiet despite being quite vast. It is completely filled with people, all the time, yet it never feels crowded. It is stunning. Bar none, you will never see a more beautiful park (yes, including Central Park).



The foliage is perfectly groomed but in that way models off duty look - perfection without trying. There are sculptures and art installations dispersed throughout. They change frequently and they are always amusing.

My favorite part is the pond. (Not the OTHER pond - that one is surrounded by thick aged oaks and is the perfect place for a picnic and a good book). I like the open pond. It always has the most visitors and you are lucky if you can snag a chair. It has not changed since Louis XV...oh what I would give to stroll by it then...amazing ball gown glistening in the sun while I listen to a poem written for me by an admirer.  

                                                                          Sigh.   haha



                               The pink light is here in all its glory. The whole place is drenched in an ethereal pink luminescence that takes your breath away. This is coming from a misantrope! It is just...so...perfect. How terribly lucky the French are - to be able to sneak away to this place during lunch...or even walk through it on the way home...you would not dare to say you've had a bad day.


I miss this place painfully...I miss Paris. It is the only place that makes me melancholy and happy at the same time. Perhaps next year I'll return...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

It girl


Angie...the Jolie...Santa Angelina. 

My friends have always laughed at my, semi-unhealthy, obsession with her. I figured it's time to give a little background (not a rebuttal to the un-healthiness in the least haha).



I first saw Angelina in "Gia." Contrary to what others may believe I did not love her then. I loved her acting, her incredible raw talent and unbelievable beauty, yes, but not HER. At a time when every tabloid and gossip site reveled in the perfection that was "Jolie" I could not fathom why a person so clearly broken would be applauded and admired. That is..until I became broken myself. Perhaps it was because I saw so much of myself in her actions that I shunned her image and ridiculed her...



Have you seen "Hackers"? Changed my life. (you laugh, but you have those movies too, admit it.) I wore the outfits, copied the make-up...hell, i STILL wear that silver ring on my index finger. I can see every frame of that movie when I close my eyes...
                                She was an alien. No human could ever be that beautiful...that talented...and so dark.



As she grew up so did I...and I truly (am not being facetious) began to admire her. To be a single mother at a time when men would literally die for a chance to spend the night with her...to choose to be alone for the sake of a child that changed her life...was unusual. Unexpected.



To travel the world, and slowly, begin to change those horrible places filled with unmentionable nightmares for the better...without publicity or self-preservation...you may not like her but you have to admire her "balls" so to speak.
To finally find love in  a man who is truly an equal. To show that strong and smart and beautiful can, and do, co-exist and should not be dismissed.



To show those like me that life can be dark, can be painful and sickening...but it can also transform into something...B.I.G. Bigger than your own selfish self. Bigger than what one life can offer. Even if you came from the most desolate corners...




                        Broken can be useful.
                                           Broken can be strong.
                                                      Broken can be loved and love back in a grand way.

I emulate...I shall not lie to you about that. I hope to become bigger than what I initially expected of myself. I want to be a GOOD human.

We all need role models. Whether it is our parents ( and mine is amazing), our friends, sports heroes, or actors...we seek what we adore and emulate by example. It is a basic human instinct. This is mine. A wild, often misunderstood, beautiful woman...who I hope won't fade away for a very long time.