...ramblings of a fashionable sociopath

Monday, June 18, 2012


Most days pass by in a quick and exhausting blur. I wake up while the world is still sleeping and by the time everyone starts their morning I have already been at work for 6 hours.
The days end late, usually after everyone else has gone home. Thank God for the constant Florida sun that lingers well into the evening so that I may catch a few rays before going home.

But once in a while...once in a while I get done early. And then I look up at the sky.

Today is was a perfect effervescent blue with not a cloud to be seen. So clear and infinite...
I saw a plane taking off and felt a sharp pang in my heart....that plane was leaving. It was taking it's lucky passengers far away, to new places and new people.

To me a plane has always been a symbol of a promise - a promise of returning home...of vacation...of excitement. Me and that giant steel bird spend a LOT of time together. When I was away at school I would fly home almost every 2 weeks. Later those flights became more sparse and happened once a month. And it is so hard to get away that I find it hard to remember when I last left here.

This is only temporary. And when I do leave this city I always manage to go to amazing places so I cannot complain. This isn't complaining,'s just that I am, at heart, a traveler. I yearn to miss home because I have been away. I hate being static in a shitty little town amongst the same few streets and same few people. It is so daunting to live the same day ...EVERY day. More often than not it feels like a trap. One of those bear traps that plunge their steel jaws into your foot...not enough to kill you but just enough to make you suffer each time you make a movement.

Perhaps this sounds like an exaggeration. But for those who live to see the world, who want, nay, NEED, to live among a monstrosity of people and sounds, this sounds familiar. When a plane takes off I feel as if I am being left behind. I want so desperately to be free to just catch a random flight and take off for the not ask permission or beg to be let out early...or panic because missing a flight would mean missing seeing those who I love.

I want to fly somewhere hear the engine begin to roar and feel the swell of anticipation in my gut building as the plane breaks free from gravity and takes me halfway across this globe... back to where my heart finds peace.

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