...ramblings of a fashionable sociopath

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Ma belle enfant

Spring is coming...and with that many of my friends will become mothers. It is the natural course, I suppose...after all we are all now of the age when child-bearing takes precedence. Careers are in full swing, accomplishments pour in, love...well, for the lucky ones, love blooms. How incredible it must be to create a human being with the one you love most in the world?

I have always known I would have a child. Nay, I have always known I would have a GIRL. It may sound strange but sometimes I imagine what it will be have a mini-me so perfect that each day will be spent marveling at the beauty that my body gave me. To have my entire happiness wrapped up into a single tiny being who thinks of me as the her universe. Her alpha and omega. At least until she grows up and knows better :)

I imagine the trips we will take to the sea...not unlike the ones I have spent with my mother. I remember being held in the powerful tide by a beautiful girl, MY universe as it were, and knowing that I was protected...utterly loved. I felt the sun shinning on my face and I laughed as the water hit us...My mother gave me an unforgettable childhood.

I think of the child I shall have if I am lucky enough. I have often dreamt of her...I had this dream of travelling with a little blond doll..serious and incredibly curious. I struggled in my sleep when she asked me to explain why water and oil could not mix. She sat next to me on our plane and impatiently kicked her tiny foot clad in a mini horse-riding boot while I waxed on the principles of hydrophilicity. Silly, I know.

I imagine dancing while holding her in my arms when we both can't sleep...her days are going to be filled with incredible music. Her life will be spent with iconoclasts and outcasts...she will see more of this world than many dare to dream of...she will always be warm, always safe, always surrounded by quiet luxury. She will be able to pursue whatever passion overtakes her...she will have access to information and culture and privilege. And I know she will make the most of it for she is going to be much more beautiful and intelligent than I.

That is part of the reason why I have worked so hard...why I have bled and fought and sacrificed for what I have achieved. So that when she finally joins me our life will be...perfection. And though I know I cannot protect her from the world (nor would I want to) I will ensure that my little clone is well equipped to make the most of her time on this glorious rock. And if I am able...I shall spend every day trying to make hers just a little bit better than mine.

I believe children wait for us. Wait for us to be ready...chose us if we are worthy. Love us...just because.
She is waiting, I know it.
And I am almost ready. Purr.

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